As the sage wisdom of Neil Sedaka goes, breaking up is hard to do, but sometimes ending a relationship in its active form is the only thing to do to serve the authentic story of our lives.
As we gain clarity on the life we’d love, it’s natural to see things through a different lens. Our desires and preferences evolve to reflect the dreams we’re bringing to life. Old choices may no longer serve us in the new horizons we’re traversing.
The typical assumption is that ending a relationship is a bad thing, but such isn’t the case if it means making a choice that elevates us and makes us come more alive. I’m a firm believer that if any relationship – platonic, romantic, professional or familial – doesn’t serve the needs of both parties, than it’s a clear invitation for conclusion if mutual, voluntary change isn’t feasible to right the ship.
As long as we remain in a relationship that doesn’t fully serve our needs, we block ourselves from another relationship that will because this space in our lives is already taken. Something or someone new can’t move into a place that’s already occupied.
We must let go of what we don’t want in order to make room for what we’d love.
Such is the ironic beauty of the human condition, of growth and evolution, and in the process, letting go of certain things in order to make room for even more and greater things.
Through the course of my life, I’ve carefully made some gut-wrenching decisions to exit relationships. Likewise, I’ve been on the receiving end of a few decisions I didn’t see coming.
The less aware version of me couldn’t always articulate why I needed to bow out, knowing only that to stay would have been to sacrifice a part of my very being. At times, I also wasn’t evolved enough to look within at what I may have contributed to certain dissolutions.
While in the past I didn’t always have the skill or vocabulary to voice an explanation, or to ask for one, ultimately the explanation always has been to serve my mission to claim the authentic story of my life, whether or not I knew it at the time.
We can’t live lives of complete authenticity as long as we stay in situations that don’t align with that for which we stand. A wiser part of me already knew this before I could put words to it.
I haven’t always gotten it right, but one thing for certain that I’ve learned is that if we act authentically by approaching the end with only love, it makes all the difference in freeing ourselves and the other party to move on with freedom, lightness and hope. If we allow anything but love into the equation, we risk anger, resentment and undue hurt, the impact of which can endure unnecessarily.
If we find ourselves faced with the agonizing truth that a relationship has run its course and there’s no longer mutual value, it’s okay to let go of the person, business arrangement or whatever the case may be. We can bring things to a close with loving gratitude for what we did gain and let go of the rest with grace and clearness of conscience.
The characters may change in the authentic story of our lives, but the story itself remains constant when we stay true to ourselves.
