I’ve had the tremendous privilege to be mom to two amazing bullmastiffs for the ten years that each graced this Earth. While they have since left their physical bodies, their wisdom endures and continues to inform my life. From them, the most unsuspecting of teachers, I have learned some of my life’s most valuable lessons.
First and foremost, I learned from Romeo and Bella that we train others, and even ourselves, in what to expect from us (that’s Romeo, my four-legged soulmate above, and Bella, the queen of queens below).
Bella, one of my two beloved bullmastiffs.
While they were two incredibly well behaved dogs, I’ll readily admit that Romeo and Bella were as effective in training me as I them. They quickly learned they could count on a treat every time they heard the crack of a juicy apple being split open with a knife, or that nuggets of boiled chicken breast always awaited when they’d put their front paws up on the rear of our Ford Explorer in order to be lifted into the car.
Just as my dogs learned the association of certain cues or behaviors with treats, we humans mold the expectations of each other by how we behave.
Do you have a colleague who, time and again, relies on you to come through at the eleventh hour because of her forgetfulness or outright negligence? A child who is deaf to incessant pleas to place dirty dishes in the dishwasher, or a certain relative who just happens to seek you out whenever he’s a few dollars short?
If these or similar situations ring true with you, consider for a moment that our behavior reinforces others’ expectations. If we consistently come to the silent, resentful aid of the ill-prepared colleague, or begrudgingly load the dishwasher because we can’t stand the sight of dirty dishes piling up in the sink, or keep helping the broke relative “just one more time,” we’re training others what to expect from us.
Why would the recipients of our time and aid have any reason to change their behavior if we’ve taught them that we’ll respond as they want?
Unless we clearly communicate in words and actions what we need, what we hold as appropriate and acceptable in a given relationship, we can’t expect the other to change.
Are there opportunities in your life where you might benefit from training, or re-training, someone in their expectations of you?
The reward of taking those relationships to a higher level of mutual contribution and mutual satisfaction awaits.
