The more we care about someone or the more we know about a subject, the more wary we must be of falling prey to the belief that we know exactly what is in the other’s best interests.
Take parenting for example. I don’t have children, but I know as my mother’s daughter she always believes she knows what’s best for me. As an adult, I recognize what was not as readily apparent to me as a child: while she genuinely wants the best for me, I don’t always agree with her prescription of what is best for me.
Mom and I constantly are becoming more agile at our shared, lifelong dance between respecting authority and autonomy, learning how to meet each other where we are in order to maintain a loving, harmonious relationship.
One of the greatest gifts we can give someone is to keep in check our ideas and expectations of what’s best for them, to practice restraint and to balance our desires with their desires.
This can be especially challenging when we see potential in someone that they don’t see in themselves or when we hold bigger hopes and dreams than what they hold for themselves. The greatest act of love we can show is to set aside what we want for them and appreciate how things appear through their eyes.
Even though we may believe we have another’s best interests in wanting differently or more for them, meeting someone where they are says we respect them as fellow human beings and their fundamental right to live life by their own choices.
It can be a fine line to balance when it comes to exerting – and challenging – influence on decisions that impact someone’s safety, health and well-being, but still it is possible to meet someone where they are if we’re both committed to the same positive outcome.
I recently found an expert whose willingness to meet me where I am was a welcome surprise. I’d been looking high and low to replace my personal trainer who’d moved away, unable to connect with just the right person to challenge and motivate me while working within my desired parameter of “no cardio.”
Most trainers had either cringed or laughed in disbelief when I told them I’m willing and eager to exercise regularly, but I’m not interested in doing cardio. I’d stopped running several years ago at the advice of my doctor, who’d counseled me to avoid further wear and tear on my feet in order to avoid corrective surgery later in life. I’ve never found an alternative form of cardio that I enjoy as much and all but eliminated “intentional cardio” except for walking.
Ryon, my killer trainer of six months (pictured above instructing me on proper form), didn’t preach to me or try to guilt me into doing cardio even though it would contribute to still better overall health and results.
Instead, he matter-of-factly met me where I was from our first workout together. He simply said, “Since you don’t want to do cardio, this is what we’re going to do instead…” and went on to prescribe a challenging strength training program that would help derive the benefits of an elevated heart rate and address my desired fitness goals.
It isn’t at all that Ryon isn’t a strong proponent of cardio, he himself a triathlete who teaches spin classes in between personal training. It’s simply that he met me where I am instead of trying to talk me into something that I was clear on not doing.
Ryon’s willingness to work with what I was – and was not – willing to do helped reinvigorate my focus on health and fitness. The more I achieve, the more contagious becomes the desire to do more, so much that perhaps intentional cardio will find its way back into my life eventually.
Such is the rewarding risk of meeting someone where they are – allow them to spread their wings and achieve greater heights at their own direction and pace, and we just might be pleasantly surprised by how far they go on their own.
