Envy has been a recurrent theme in conversations with some of my closest friends lately, leading me to conclude that this most basic of human emotions gets a bad rap because it often is misunderstood.
The sheer fact that we’re human makes us susceptible to the confusing simultaneous feelings of disgust and delight that suddenly can surface when we hear of a friend’s achievement, a marvelous relationship with their significant other, or when we see that girl who always comes waltzing in looking like a million dollars.
When we have an experience like this, what’s actually raging to the surface? Is it truly anger or resentment at another’s good fortune, or is it our own desires being mirrored by what someone else has?
If we recognize and embrace the opportunity that envy represents, this primal feeling can be a gateway through which greater self-understanding, self-growth and self-love are possible.
If we’re blind to what our emotions are trying to tell us, we fall prey to unbecoming thoughts and behavior that aren’t a true reflection of who we are at our core.
When envy begins to take its grip on our thoughts, we can choose to succumb to a negative, downward spiral of thinking, or we simply can acknowledge our feelings with judgment-free curiosity. A simple question can shine a spotlight on the root of our feelings and help us leap past negativity lurking in the shadows: Why am I getting a rise from what really is a cause for someone else’s celebration?
Perhaps we’re frustrated because we haven’t yet completed a project we’ve been working on for a long time. Maybe an important relationship of our own lacks the intimacy and thoughtfulness we see elsewhere. Maybe it’s the voice of self-sabotage speaking up because we’re unhappy with our own self-image.
By zeroing in on what is at the core of what surfaces as envy, we gain insight on areas of our own lives begging for more attention.
The other person offers a generous gift of being a mirror of what we covet for ourselves. They’re living proof that whatever it is we desire is possible.
If witnessing others’ success invokes strong feelings in ourselves, there’s a good chance our inner voice of wisdom is suggesting it’s time to redouble our own efforts in the particular area of seeming discontent.
The truth is that we each have equal opportunity to be and do whatever we desire. Envy is a warning signal that we’re standing in our own way.
