We’ve all probably known someone who’s so addicted to the pain of a particular problem they’d rather keep being a victim than find a way out. At one time or another, we may even have been that person ourselves, so fueled by the sympathy and comfort reaped as a victim that we’d go through withdrawal without it.
I started pondering what might lead someone to choose pain over freedom and more importantly, what’s the key to springing ourselves from the victim trap, after a recent conversation with someone I’d just met.
This person’s identity seemed to evolve around being the victim of a decade-long marriage into which he insists he’d been trapped. He was so completely enmeshed in his version of the story, he’d rather keep blaming his ex than free himself by looking at things from a more empowering perspective. I could only guess his payoff is that as long as she remains the “bad guy” who wronged him, he gets to maintain innocence and absolution from any responsibility for their failed relationship.
Taking responsibility for actions of which we’re not especially proud is hard.
It means admitting we’re fallible human beings who don’t always act as our highest selves.
But it also is through taking ownership for our own role in everything that happens that we liberate ourselves from being a victim of someone else’s wrongdoing.
The gift that comes from this hard work is the opportunity to grow and bring forth a better version of ourselves, to recognize different choices we can make in the future and claim the authentic story of our lives one chapter at a time.
Even when unpredictable things happen that we wouldn’t necessarily choose, we always have the choice of whether to be a helpless victim or a resilient rebounder.
We can’t turn back the hands of time and undo what’s already done, but we’re always in control of the meaning we choose to assign it and what we let it represent in our lives going forward.
The choice is always available to stay stuck in the victim trap or fly on the wings of our freedom to choose. Pass on the bait and claim the authentic story of your life!
