We have the collective power to wage a winning war on disappointment. How? By being deliberate in and mindful of the expectations we set, for others and for ourselves.
Have you ever told someone casually, “Yes, let’s get together some time,” or told yourself, “I’ll take care of that this weekend,” full knowing that you have no real intention to follow through?
The danger of this outward courteousness is that we send a message to others and to ourselves, to the very Universe, that we’re going to do something, and then when we don’t, we perpetuate disappointment and even our own guilt and feelings of inadequacy from failing to act.
I’m particularly diligent to only make promises I can keep when it comes to my niece, Grace. We have a heightened responsibility to be good role models for children in waging a successful war on disappointment.
Repeatedly making gratuitous promises also could be mistaken for being unreliable when, in fact, it’s just a symptom of being afraid to say no.
The icky, awkward place of disappointment can be avoided by not setting ourselves up in the first place.
If we don’t have a genuine interest in or ability to do something, let’s not kid ourselves or anyone else otherwise.
Communicating a truthful ‘no’ with honesty and compassion reaps far less disappointment than making a baseless commitment.
The war on disappointment also can be waged from the recipient’s front. If we’re on the receiving end of disappointment, press pause instead of automatically defaulting to a place of resentment or anger. Give the person who made the failed commitment the benefit of the doubt that there’s a good reason for why they didn’t come through.
Maybe they spoke too quickly, and they don’t have the capacity or the resources to actually do what they said they’d do. Perhaps a legitimate personal emergency came up that got in the way.
If we do as Stephen Covey teaches, “seek first to understand,” we might help ourselves and others walk away with a different understanding that mitigates disappointment for both parties.
I’m ready to win the war on disappointment. Are you with me?
