“When are we there, Aunt Lois?” A seemingly innocent question that was way more poignant than I’d initially thought when asked by my niece as we traveled from site to site, city to city on a family tour of China (that’s Grace above, peering at me between the seats of our bus in Beijing).
It turns out I’d asked this question of myself often, not phrased as precious as this six-year-old put it, but from a place of never ending impatience and dissatisfaction with myself.
For the longest time, I had the notion that I had to get somewhere. I thought the path of my life was supposed to be marked with end points associated with big achievements, major milestones that would have angels heralding my arrival wherever “there” was. At least this was what the achievement addict in me used to think.
I once naively asked my personal coach, “How will I know when I’m there? Can you give me some clue what ‘there’ will look and feel like?” I was quite miffed with her diplomatic non-answer, and even more so when I asked the same of my spiritual teacher and got a similar response of not so many words, “You’ll know when you’re there.”
I didn’t know then what they meant, but I know now.
“There” is an illusion. “There” is the excuse we conjure up in response to whatever holds us back from appreciating and celebrating all that we have now.
Perhaps somewhere along the way, an experience or relationship made us believe we’d never be good enough, so no matter what we achieve, we hold ourselves up to a bar that’s always just out of reach.
Or maybe life circumstances ingrained a fear of the bottom falling out such that we don’t dare to celebrate or bask in the glory of accomplishment because something will surely happen to make it all disappear.
Or maybe you have another story that conveniently explains why you aren’t “there” yet. But that’s just it. These are just stories, stories that stand in the way of embracing our lives for their full glory wherever we are today. We fixate ourselves on a future goal or some future state of being and in the process blind ourselves to the success and abundance that surrounds us right here, right now.
Consider for a moment that each of us is exactly where we are meant to be at this very moment in our lives, imperfect though it might seem.
Instead of hammering ourselves for not being “there” yet, the only destination that truly matters is where we are now.
Wouldn’t this perspective alleviate the pressure of goals unachieved? Wouldn’t it feel great to let ourselves off the hook, to know that we are enough exactly as we are now?
There is no “there.” We’re already here, exactly where we’re meant to be. We don’t have to wait for another academic degree, a few more zeroes on the paycheck or the Lamborghini to be parked in the driveway to declare victory.
Wherever we’re at this very moment, alive and thriving, is just cause for gratitude and celebration.
