One of my greatest sources of joy in life is giving to others, whether in the form of help, encouraging words, a thoughtful gift or a sincere smile, just because. Yet as naturally as giving comes for me, sometimes it feels unnatural to be on the receiving end. This dichotomy isn’t uniquely mine, as I’ve witnessed friends and family members similarly challenged with accepting help or just a simple kind gesture.
But wait, isn’t this ass backwards? If someone is compelled to offer us assistance or goodwill, shouldn’t we welcome and receive with open arms?
In my plight to become a better, more natural and graceful receiver, I’ve traced my discomfort to the depths of my subconscious beliefs around whether I deserve to receive in the first place.
In earlier times when I didn’t think a whole lot of myself, I struggled with receiving much of anything, be it a compliment, a gift or help. I used to think I had to be the giver in any relationship to deserve the kindness and affection of others.
If a friend did me a favor, I’d carry an eternal sense of indebtedness, no matter how big or small the deed. It was as if I had an imaginary scale that kept track of my self-imposed reciprocal obligation, only the scale never would quite balance out in my mind enough to make me feel clear of the debt of repayment.
My perspective shifted a few years back when my first coach challenged me to repattern my automatic response of old. What if, instead of immediately averting whatever good was being offered to me, I received it with the loving intent with which it was offered? What if people actually valued me such that they wanted to give to me, just because, without expectations of anything in return?
Until I became aware of this old pattern that didn’t serve me, I’d never noticed that I couldn’t go out with a friend and let him pick up the tab or that my typical reaction to a compliment was to brush it off in disagreement.
Our capacity to receive is directly proportional to our sense of self-worth.
If we believe we’re worthy, the good offered to us fits like a glove. If our self-worth is low, then another’s kindness feels like an ill-fitting, oversized garment.
With great trepidation, I began responding differently. At first it was incredibly uncomfortable to simply smile and say thank you to a compliment, to actually receive it. And to let someone buy me lunch? Awwwwkward.
As with any repetitive action, the more I openly received, the stronger my muscle of receiving grew. Through allowing others to demonstrate their appreciation for me and receiving their generosity fully, I started to believe that I am cared for and valued. In turn, I couldn’t help but start caring for and valuing myself more.
Nowadays, if someone compliments me or they want to give me a helping hand, I say thanks and receive. And if a friend wants to take me to lunch or dinner? Let’s go!
I gratefully soak in the gifts of generosity that remind me that I am worthy of receiving simply by virtue of being me.
As children of this Divine universe, we’re all worthy of receiving.
Even though my receiving muscle is now primed and strong, I’m still a giver, no longer because I have to be, but because I want to be. I now know it’s as much my nature to receive as it is to give; I’m a giver and a receiver. Now that fits me like a glove.
The next time kind words or a thoughtful gesture come your way, take pause and notice how it fits. Are you receiving all that you deserve, or could your muscle of receiving use a good workout?
Receive all the kindness and generosity that come to you. You deserve it, just because.
