As mere mortals, we all have natural limits to what we can accomplish within a certain amount of time even when we give it our all, yet still we commonly set ourselves up with Herculean expectations which, if unmet, then give us license to beat ourselves up. What’s up with this nonsensical cycle of self-imposed disappointment? Why is it so hard to know when to say when?
When I decided a couple of months ago to temporarily pause blogging to focus on the redesign of my website and to sort out whether to launch a coaching practice, I felt as though I needed permission. I powered through, burning the midnight oil for weeks as though under the disconcerting gaze of some higher authority looking over my shoulder to keep tabs on my progress. Then I realized the source of that ominous shadow: Me. I was the very source of the undue pressure I felt, and only I could alleviate it.
The conversation with myself raged on, “Why am I rushing to get all this done? What’s the big hurry? What do I have to prove? This is a journey, not a race.” (I revel in these conversations between my wise inner voice and the often less reasonable voice of my Ego.)
Really? No finish line for this race of one? The debate continued, assessing the pros and cons of slugging it out versus shifting down a gear and launching later than originally planned.
The relentless voice that insisted, “We can’t take the foot off the gas!” was that of the recovering achievement addict in me, she who used to burn the candle on both ends in the plight to exceed my own expectations, all at the expense of joy and fulfillment and sometimes even my health.
In recognizing the source of this naysaying side of the self-debate, I at once knew the answer in highest service to myself, to my body, mind and soul. I gave myself permission to honor the limits of what I reasonably could accomplish within the finite hours of a day while also taking good care of my health and well being. October, November, whenever I reached completion, that would be the precise time for sharing the next iteration of my virtual home with the world.
Taking the pressure off of myself was a miraculous antidote for the block with which I’d been struggling in my writing and creativity. It returned to me the joy and pleasure of doing something I love deeply.
Each of us gets to decide for ourselves what must be done and what is discretionary.
Sure, there may be demands and outside influences from a significant other, friends, family or children two-legged and four, but ultimately we alone have the power to say when is enough.
Be gentle and give yourself permission to honor your natural limits, especially during the busy holiday season.
Strengthen your muscle of self-compassion. When we’re still enough to hear our wise inner voice, choices become crystal clear for when to say when.
