Authentic self-expression is fundamental to a healthy human existence, yet often we find ourselves in situations where we perceive it to be unsafe to show our true colors. This can result in a tragic twist of irony in which we end up hiding or even disguising who we truly are, a dual act of disservice to ourselves and to the world.
The first step towards living more genuine lives of full self-expression is to ascertain whether our fears are real in the first place.
It’s all too easy to make erroneous assumptions about how others perceive and receive us if we’re stuck in our own heads. Insecurities may cause us to misinterpret an isolated interaction or sideways look as disapproval or other negative judgment when, in fact, the other person simply may have unintentionally projected sentiments completely unrelated to us.
Only through feeling out those about whom we’re concerned can we know what they’re thinking and whether it’s safe to regale our true colors in their company.
There was a misguided time in my career when I felt as though I was leading a double life, petrified that the legions of engineers with whom I work would look down upon me for my true identity as a liberal arts major swimming in a sea of science and invention. I seldom spoke of my degree or my love of writing, and they all assumed that I, too, was an engineer just like them.
Then came a defining moment in which I knew something had to change. Some colleagues and I were meeting with a supplier at their flagship European manufacturing site, the largest industrial gas plant in the world. Seated around a large table, our hosts began to introduce themselves one by one, and apparently it was part of the drill to state one’s academic degrees along with name and title.
I went into a silent panic, wondering how in the hell was I going to handle this? Surely I couldn’t claim my journalism degree among this group of academically decorated and patented scientists. Lying was never a consideration, but how would I covertly dodge my truth?
Somehow I managed to mask my internal dilemma. When it came my turn, I spoke with such confidence and conviction about my position and the importance of why we had convened that everyone simply nodded approvingly and continued around the table. In other words, I expertly averted sharing my full dossier.
As I dodged what I’d perceived in that moment to be a bullet, I began silently asking myself, “WTF?!” Once upon a time, I’d been proud of my journalism degree. No, damn it, I was still proud of my degree and my ability to communicate more effectively than most. The problem was my perception that it wasn’t safe to be myself completely for fear of rejection.
That was around the time I began to awaken to my soul’s yearning to rediscover what I love most, writing and creating. The years of starving my soul had to end or I might as well have died, and so I began seeking out ways to feed and resuscitate my soul instead.
I began writing my book and slowly stepping out by sharing my writing with people I trust, and my journey eventually led to the birth of my blog last summer.
We shine brilliantly when we surround ourselves with those who love and encourage us to be our truest, like my dear friends Sora, Sara and Jey, enjoying a night of celebration together in New York City.
In a moment of brazen honesty, I decided to share my blog with a few select friends from work, including my now former colleague who’d sat next to me in that fated meeting in Germany. They proved my fears of inadequacy wrong with encouraging reception and tremendous support, becoming some of my most faithful readers.
We each are who we are, plain and simple as that. We make the world a better place by bringing to bear all the exquisite uniqueness that we’re each here to share, to show our true colors in their full vibrant glory.
It’s human nature that inevitably we’ll come across people who don’t accept who we are or disapprove of choices in our lives and vice versa. In such cases, we can agree to disagree, to engage respectfully and civilly in spite of our differences. If a healthy level of discord just isn’t possible, then we’re mutually well served to go our own ways.
Life is too precious and too short to surround ourselves with anyone but people who accept us as we are for exactly who we are, the very people who give us life.
